Different Kinds of Emotions

Did you know we have different kinds of emotions?  Primary and secondary emotions, to be exact.

Primary emotions are your initial reaction to what is happening to you. These are strong feelings that come on quickly that don't involve having to think about what's happening. These emotions are not learned; they are "hard-wired" We have about seven universal, primary emotions: anger, sadness, joy, surprise, fear, disgust, and interest.  Generally, primary emotions are adaptive and appropriate. They are logical in the context of the situation and, although they may be unpleasant, they are tolerable.

Secondary emotions are emotional reactions to your primary emotions. Basically, feelings about your feelings. They often occur when you interpret or judge your primary emotions. Some examples are shame, guilt, rage, worthlessness, etc. Secondary emotions usually increase urgency, impulsivity, and cause poor problem-solving.

I want to give you an example of when I entirely became lost in my secondary emotions. When my son was about five months old, I started weaning him from breastfeeding. During this time, I would take him to a class with other mothers. One particular day, I was asked by another mother why I would give my son formula if I can breastfeed? This may have been an innocent question, but it felt like the worst thing you could ask me at that time. I was furious and thought about how dare she question my parenting?! Instead of leaving it at that, not liking the question and going on about my day, I perseverated, and I started to feel embarrassed, questioning if I was doing the right thing, and guilty. I was completely getting into my secondary emotions; this affected me feeding my child in public with a bottle. I would literally hide it or not go out when he needed to be fed. Eventually, after talking to friends and family for weeks, I got over this and realized, hey, it was just a question. I don't know the intention behind it, nor is it my problem to dissect that. When I decided to accept my primary emotion, I was able to move on from that experience. Now, as I am writing about it, I think, wow, really Makia! 

Have you had a similar experience when it comes to parenting? And if so, how did you get out of your secondary emotions?